Giving Support
Searching for a Cure
Lymphoma Angels
Sonny Crosbie
Sonny's Diary 2000
The more people that read and understand the message I'm trying to make (maybe not very well) the happier I will be. I write this in the hope that it can give an insight into the way I feel about life and the world. Sure we have war, murder and violence but to me the beauty of this world surpasses all of this. Try to understand, wait and listen to one another. Life is a gift to be shared by all. Understanding is the key to so much, if one just takes the time to try it can be one of the most powerful tools available to gaining everything you could want in life.
The wording might not be correct or understandable but the message is there! Just try to skip my bullshit parts and look for the general gist of what the bullshit is trying to say!
I NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE AND SURPRISE MYSELF AND THAT IS WHY I WILL GO THROUGH LIFE AND HAVE THE BEST MOST ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCE ANY MAN OR WOMAN HAS EVER HAD ON THIS PLANET. I AM A KING. LOVE IS MY SERVANT.
1 July 2000
Giving truly is better than receiving. I know for a fact that if there was anything I could give to a loved one, of which I have so many, I would. I wish I could give more to my mum and dad most of all as I have done some downright nasty things to them yet still they give me way more courtesy and love than I could have ever imagined. The worst thing about being as sick as I am is having to put friends and family through more pain than I'm going through. I can't stand to hurt people this way. It makes me so sad because I really can't do anything to stop it but put on a brave face and act like everything's peachy. I can't begin to express how much it pains me to hurt people this way. I think its about the only thing that gets me down at the moment, I mean if the doctor came in tomorrow and said we have to take your arm off I'd be more worried about how much pain it would cause the people around me than my own well being.
As long as my brain and eyes work I will always be able to see and feel the love that has so generously been given to me by those around me. Remember love and good feelings is what life's about. When people die, remember the good and laugh, don't cry or feel sad for they are off to the place of joy and love. At least I will. For I have had one hell of a good time on this plane!..this is an amazing place. I now feel that nothing will stop me from enjoying what is rightfully mine to keep as long as I can. All I have to do is remember to enjoy and embrace my surroundings. Nothing can take my love for my family and friends away. I will be able to hold onto this into my afterlife, as my eternity will never end.
If 50 people read this I hope that it could make at least one of them think twice about the way life could be changed for them if they just take the time to see that all around them love is there. From beds to, well, how good does it feel to hop into your own nice warm bed on a cold night. Bliss. Or to be able to walk down the street on a footpath that has been placed there for that exact purpose. Imagine how happy the people were that built that felt when they finished and looked back and said to themselves - now people can walk on a cement footpath!. Well, they were probably more happy that they'd finished the job and could now get paid and go to the pub or at least spend money on things that made them happy. Whether that be bills to pay for the luxuries they use for granted or just saving for that dream. Blah blah blah.
Just about everyone can enjoy life if they just look hard enough. Look at the small things first then progress. The world has come very far with pleasure to be bought and had at every corner!!!
Fighting this disease is not my answer, instead I would like to embrace the fact that death is real and so is the love that is building up inside me for this thing people take for granted every day. Life. To be able to breathe, walk, talk and have your own thoughts and views about anything and everything is what makes each and every individual unique. I hope some day in the future people will be taught or better yet, learn for themselves that life is a gift not to be taken for granted. Life is wonderful, peachy even. It's not to be rushed but embraced. Every second of it can be loved if one just looks in the right places. Concrete for instance. Think of the person and his family that invented it. Did he enjoy his life, did he ever feel love for another?
Sonny Daniel Crosbie
Postscript
Sonny was born in Fremantle, Western Australia on 7 September 1979 and was full of mischief and fun, and quite a rascal as a teenager.
These excerpts from Sonny's diary were written whilst he was in hospital and at home, battling Non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Sonny continued to enjoy his life right up until his last days on 7 October 2000 and lived his life true to the love he felt as he expressed in his diary. I did not hear him complain once throughout his illness. In his last week when the doctors had told him they could offer no further treatment and that he would die he said he was "a bit annoyed that the treatment didn't work, but not really, to tell you the truth I'm rather relieved that I don't have to go through any more bullshit. Any more chemo!. "Everyone's number comes up sooner or later, mine just came up a litter earlier. I've enjoyed my life and done everything I wanted to do except one thing. I wanted to win a billion dollars and support my whole family".
Sonny bought a lot of love, joy and bliss into the lives of his family and those who were touched by his love and energy for life. He couldn't see the point in anything but to enjoy life even in his illness and continued to have as much fun as he possibly could.
During his last week he was surrounded by his family and friends and at every opportunity he would ask to go to the pokies or out for a beer and hit the jack pot on several occasions. "You don't have to win money, to be a winner", Sonny's father said, "You are a winner".
Sonny enjoyed his life and no greater achievement needs to be fulfilled in life. He did everything he was meant to do while he was here. He did not want people to be sad for him when he went as he says in his own words:
"For I have had one hell of a good time on this planet"..this is an amazing place. I now feel that nothing will stop me from enjoying what is rightfully mine to keep as long as I can. All I have to do is remember to enjoy and embrace my surroundings. Nothing can take my love for my family and friends away. I will be able to hold onto this into my afterlife, as my eternity will never end.