Juanita Hill

December 2005 I had just finished work for the end of my contract with the ATO, I longed for a break with my family and a trip to New Zealandto see my husbands family. I look back to the photos of our family we got taken and remember telling our kids - behave yourself sit still and just get the photos done, I so wanted a great family photo of us all to have on the wall at home. Even now when I sit and think about all this it brings tears to my eyes, not just for what I've been throughbut what all of us have been through, I look back at those photos and think how ever our life could of changed so much by Feb 2006.

And thats where my story starts, our son Jordan had lost alot of weight and was drinking alot, so me being the Mum took him to the doctors, the rollcoaster of the next two weeks was so intense that every emotion you could feel now even to think about it is so raw, my baby had Type 1 Diabetes. Its heartbreaking to watch your child have his first insulin needle let alone have to administer it yourself, I cried with him everytime he cried when I had to inject.

I took a month off my pharmacy job to assist with daily injections and of course the nerve wrecking, bringing him home from hospital. By April our family was going well despite Jordans illness,  I had a friend over for coffee and was talking when I placed my hand on my neck and then noticeda lump. Four days later upon a doctors consultation she then referred me to the necessary people.  Nine weeks after that and 7kgs lighter from stress (thats me all over) I found out I had NHL - follicular told Stage One, only to find out I had Stage 3.

To go from a 5 day a week exercise freak, always taking care of myself and watching my diet, to be told I had in incurable cancer send me on a roller coaster of emotions that I wouldn't wish on anyone. June 2006 - 20th I remember June so well, it was 8yrs in June I lost my best friend to cancer, I relive that moment so vividly it haunts me, and now me. Well despite countless psychology apts, (boy she helps alot,) and wonderful care from the Royal Brisbane Hospital, 30days of radiation, then more lymphomas, 8cvp-R treatments and here we are now Sept 2007,  in total wonderful remission, where on earth did the last 16mths go.

I have found a strength I didn't know I had, we've just had another dilemma with my husband but today is a good day, I've learnt to move on and I'm back at work, I feel normal when I'm with the people I always worked with. I feel I have my life back somewhat, its a hard call knowing the rug was pulled out from under you when you never asked for it.

But despite all this, I meet people all the time who have worse than what I'm facing, I have a life now and everyday I wake up no matter how hard, I try to keep going. I'm having Mabthera next week every 8 weeks for two years, I ask myself sometimes should I do this and then I look at my beautiful children and husband and ask myself I want to be here for them and for me.

I used to always search for happiness never really knowing what it was, I can truly say I am happy despite this disease, I feel sad about that because I should of seen happiness long before my illness, it is all around us and everyday I have a laugh reminds me of me that is me and I'm glad I am still me.

I believe your not born strong you develop an inner strength you never knew you had.

I have a great life and I still have alot ahead of me.

Juanita Hill